Category Archives: Autism

Beach Vacation

Posted on September 24, 2006 | 3 comments

Our family enjoyed a weeklong beach vacation at Myrtle Beach, South Carolina with our great homeschooling family friends who invited us along to this annual get-away for their family. We have three sets of children who “match up” as friends: our daughters (16 and 17), our teen sons (13 and 15), and our little sons (5, 5, and 7). We moms have a WHOLE lot in common with homeschooling, foster care, cross-cultural adoption, special needs children, large families, and religious. That’s a whole lot in common that I have a hard time finding in the world. Even with all our similarities, the way we go about each of these can be quite different, but it works to bring in ideas versus limit us.

Our family had never taken a vacation to the beach before. In fact, sad to say, having lived in North Carolina now for six years, we’ve only taken day trips to the beach about three times. I wasn’t sure how my family would take to this type of vacation. We rented a condo . . . two bedrooms . . . nine people . . . LOL! Actually, though, the small space has its benefits . . . easier to keep clean, in my opinion!

I estimated that William, Joseph, and Adam would LOVE the ocean. I was right. I guessed that Abbey and Eli would enjoy themselves because they had good friends to enjoy it with. I was right. I assumed that Alex, who hates the water and doesn’t know how to swim because of it at 11 years old, and Eric, who had no one to match up with and doesn’t have a strong interest in water/swimming/ocean, would tolerate it. They both did better than that!

I knew Alex was interested in “the babies” (my friend has two babies at 16 months and 12 months; one adopted, one by birth), and I had hoped that one of us would have ceiling fans in our condo (our friends did; ours didn’t), but I wasn’t sure if that would be enough for a whole week’s entertainment value. Well, not only did Alex enjoy those two aspects of the trip, but he went in the ocean on many occasions (with a life jacket I brought along) and really, really enjoyed it! (Maybe that’s my foot into encouraging him to try swimming again?)

Eric brought along his game systems and enjoyed the solitude of our long absences to the beach (which was right outside the doors of the condo . . . about 10 feet!). However, the last three nights, the five oldest children between the family (19, 17, 16, 15, and 13) played a Cranium game I picked up that I heard was a bunch of fun, and the bonding among the group occurred, which Eric enjoyed, as they continued staying up to around 1:00 a.m. each night either watching movies, going to a museum, etc., together.

A side benefit, that Stephanie of Throwing Marshmallows mentioned on my Homeschooling Creatively list, is that Adam’s consistent time thrashing against the ocean waves allowed him to fall asleep on his own initiative around 10:30 p.m. without the help of his melatonin the last three nights! Because of the effects of autism, Adam’s normal wake/sleep cycle is 18 hours awake/12 hours asleep, which equals 30 hours a day, which doesn’t happen (don’t we wish), so he could cycle all the way through the night every so often. It could also often take him 2-3 hours to fall asleep. Finally, I decided to try melatonin to help him, and oh boy, has it ever! It now only takes him about 15 minutes to fall asleep, and he goes to bed around midnight and awakens around 10:00 a.m., and it’s really working for us now. But, it was nice that the deep and intense sensory input that the waves created for him allowed him the same sleep benefit as the melatonin 🙂

My hubby, Weston, was only able to stay through to Monday afternoon before he had to high tail it back to work. (Not being salaried has its downside; the upside is the fantastic money that is earned as a consultant . . . we’ll endure the season, and, as my mother-in-law says, “make hay while the sun shines.”) Before he left, he had some great times in the ocean with the boys (and girl), but particularly the three who love the ocean. We also went to see Ripley’s Aquarium on Monday just before he left. Stupid me didn’t think to ask about a homeschool discount; whereas, my friend’s family did, and they got in later in the week for half price . . . grrrr. I guess it’s because we don’t go to these types of out-of-state activities often to think of it. Live and learn . . . and pass on the remembrance to all of you . . . always, always ask for a homeschooling discount.

All in all, it was really, really relaxing . . . more than I thought it would be. In fact, it was my intent to do a lot of “thinking” while I was there, but every time I tried to do that, I just drew a blank. My friend concurred that it was the same for her, but that’s why she enjoys it so much. She doesn’t usually start her new fall routines until after their annual beach trip . . . now I know why! We had about three weeks under our belt, and it was weird to stop that flow and go on this trip, but once there, it was worth it!

Interestingly, as soon as I stepped through the doors of our home, it was like the “go-go-go business mentality hat” just jumped right on my head. AND, it helped me really realize that I have almost a business mentality to the running of our home. In one sense, it has to be that way with seven children and four children with significant disabilities in order to meet all their needs and manage all that needs to be done, but I want to take some time to think about it and see if I can maintain some of the relaxed and “in the moment” mentality that we all enjoyed while there.

Pictures will be pending as I develop what little we took, as our digital camera (of only one year) seems to be on the blink.Milk is a reservoir of nutrients and forms generico viagra on line downtownsault.org an important ingredient of a balanced diet.

Abbey and Alyssa digging (with the two babies in the background):

Eli and Seth digging (with my friend and youngest son in background):

Who is that dork?  Oh, it’s me!  (I like comfy and practical . . .):

Adam spent most of his time with this:

3 Comments

Posted in Autism, Family

Happy Birthday, Adam

Posted on September 12, 2006 | 4 comments

Today is my sweet Adam’s birthday. Many would find our use of “sweet” an anomoly, since he frightens most people with his intense personality (because of how autism affects him). But, when you get to know him by loving him and learning with him, you fall in love. (A young lady from our church just discovered that this summer as she worked with him while on university break. She adores him now.) Anyway, he’s 14. My unique son had a unique birthday.

It started off as a normal day. We were able to go two days in a row now with “working”, as we call it . . . where he will do some activities with me, some academic, some language, some pleasure, etc. For instance, the agenda today was clean room, math (one of his favorite subjects), switching attention (mixing between asking what’s an opposite, what’s another word for, and what rhymes with with one word . . . so, a language activity), spelling (another favorite subject), read aloud (a short story Sleeping Beauty today . . . Disney being a huge favorite of his as well), scriptures (he has learned to “mark” them simply by underlining them with various colored pencils), piano (still at 5 finger playing, but he loves music), and riding his bike (which he just learned to do . . . he went down to the stop sign today).

Afterward, we drove to Wal-mart so he could pick out a birthday present. He wanted a video game. He chose “The Nightmare Before Christmas: The Pumpkin King” . . . that latter part seems to be important to include . . . for Game Boy Advance. While there, as a spur of the moment decision since we were passing through the birthday party aisle, I asked Adam if he wanted some birthday blowers and balloons. He excitedly pointed to the mylar balloons and asked for one of those . . . an Elmo one. I happily agreed, and grabbed some of the blowers and blow up balloons as well.

Upon arriving home, Abbey helped set him up with GBA and his new game, while Eric was finishing up baking Adam’s birthday cake: chocolate/chocolate. Alex then announced he wanted to spend his earned money on Papa John’s cheese sticks . . . his favorite food, as is Adam’s, and wanted to buy a whole one just for Adam for his birthday. Usually, when it’s pizza night, I get a cheese stick and the two of them split it. Alex kept it a secret and upon returning from picking it up with his sister, went upstairs to “surprise Adam” with his birthday present for him. Adam was indeed surprised, especially to be getting a whole one to himself. You could tell from his face and eyes that he was appreciative of his brother’s generosity.

Within a short time, we called Adam down to sing happy birthday and have him blow out his candles. This is an important event, as Adam wouldn’t understand that he was a different age without being able to count the candles on the cake, and have the birthday song sung to him. It’s his prompt that he has to change the age in which he responds to the question, “How old are you?” He grins from ear to ear when he gets sung the happy birthday song and is privileged to blow out the candles of his own cake. He eagerly took a slice of cake up to his hideaway (his bedroom, along with the cheese sticks and GBA).

This was a good birthday, indeed, Adam-style.

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Anna helping Adam learn to wash his own face and hands, then brush his teeth, but Adam periodically having fun spraying the water everywhere instead:

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4 Comments

Posted in Autism, Family, Homeschooling

“Steps” to Riding a Bike

Posted on September 8, 2006 | 2 comments

It is common in autism to have low muscle tone. The reason it occurs is that often, our children don’t do the typical day-to-day physical activities that we all take for granted: running, climbing, exploring, skipping, gathering, jumping, poking . . . that overall general “business” that we all expect in toddlerhood and beyond. The reason this doesn’t occur for our children is because that “natural drive” is hampered in some way, imitation skills are often impaired, and, therefore, motivation to do something that requires effort for no known benefit wins the day.

Adam was drawn to swinging as his primary outdoor activity for the sensory integration it provided him. It was easy to set him on a swing when he was little and give him a push, with no effort on his part, in order for him to understand and literally feel the benefits to him, and the enjoyment factor. I always thought that Adam would really love to bike ride, if he would understand to give it a try. I brought out the typical tricycle bikes and pushed him on them and encouraged him, but Adam would simply not exert the muscle effort to either push the bike with his feet on the ground or on the pedals. Years passed, and the idea that he would love this activity stayed in the back of my mind, looking for inspiration to help me help him “catch the vision”.

A young lady named Jennifer worked with Adam in helping him learn skills back in 2001-2002. Jennifer was special in that she was in her early 20s, unmarried, but totally dedicated and passionate about the special population in her community. She had a lot of knowledge about resources for someone so young and without a direct link to special needs in her own personal life. After leaving our home and Adam, we have kept in touch consistently, as I do with many of our past tutors. Sometime in 2002, Jennifer directed me to a resource called Ambucs that identifies children who would benefit and enjoy a modified tricycle for special needs.

I found myself last minute at the open house and was impressed with the sincere interest in my child and his needs and the individualized attention they gave him in fitting him with a bike that might suit his age and needs. I was amazed to see Adam shoot off on that bike right inside that public building immediately upon sitting! He had never ridden a bike independently before, but there he was, doing so on this particular modified bike. We qualified to receive one and a few months later, did at a special ceremony. Here is Adam riding that bike (one pedals with their feet AND hands, which seemed to be the clincher for Adam in being so successful with it):


Adam spent some good months being interested in riding his Ambucs bike, including hauling it up to the top of the cul-de-sac, which is on a slight incline, and coasting down and into our driveway, which continues the same incline/decline. Eventually, this resource waned in progressing toward a regular bike.

A year or so later, I became re-inspired as to what might be the next “step” to riding a bike for Adam. I envisioned that if Adam could FEEL the thrill of the ride on a bike, that he had progressed enough in his cognitive skills that he might just become self motivated in figuring out how to ride a bike. I knew that it wasn’t that he couldn’t physically ride a bike . . . that wasn’t what was preventing him from doing so. It was pure and simply Adam’s lack of “natural drive” to desire such a thing.

So, to get Adam on a bike and riding, I thought . . . tandem bike! One Easter season, as I was shopping at Wal-Mart, I saw scores of tandem bikes hanging from their ceiling. I spied the reasonable price and determined that I would buy a tandem bike for Adam for his Easter present. (Our tradition for Easter presents is getting each child an outdoor toy.) He was immediately interested after seeing Dad and Abbey demonstrate the process. He’s been riding off and on over the past year on the tandem bike with Dad, Mom, or Abbey. Here he is with Dad:They brought gel and soft tablet version purchase cheap viagra browse over here in the light with many benefits.


A tandem bike allows a person to have the “thrill of the ride”, with the wind blowing though their hair, pedaling the bike (with some holding back from the person in the front), and the feel of what balance on a bike is like in all its forms. Sure enough, some months back, Adam started hauling out his younger brother’s little bikes to the top of the cul-de-sac, sitting on it, and putting his feet up in the air as he coasted down the incline into the driveway . . . on a two-wheeler! using his balance! enjoying himself! The conditions were all set up to take the plunge into independent, two-wheeled bike-riding 🙂

So, in June this summer, I fitted him out with Abbey’s old bike as the perfect size for him to learn on. Basically, because of the past experiences on the other “steps” to bike riding, he seamlessly learned to ride this two-wheeler. Here he is riding, including convincing him to put on a helmet (no small feat), as well as shoes (most of my children love barefoot, him included . . . autism simply adds an element of “love of sameness” that makes it difficult to convince a child to do something different). Here’s a picture:


We’re not at the stage where he’s going off doing any more than “practice rides” at this time, but as time continues, I feel confident he will go venturing on his new mobile ability. In fact, as his imitation skills have improved enough that it inspires him to try new things, and as he watched his much younger brothers catapulting their bikes down the more serious decline of an empty lot across the street, I found myself seeing Adam hauling his bike to the top of this lot and coasting down, with his feet out, like his little brothers.

Tears on many levels . . .

I thought I would share our process for any others who might benefit.

2 Comments

Posted in Autism, Beginnings, Interests, Learning

Eli

Posted on September 5, 2006 | 4 comments

I’m (hopefully) going to write a shorter post today because Eli has been asking me now for a couple of weeks to get a schedule together for him to start some formal learning again. He says he’s bored and enjoys the formal learning rhythm. Eli enjoys predictability; he loves feeding his mind. He enjoys schedules, probably due to his high functioning autism. On the other hand, being that he is 15, I would like to encourage him over the next year to take more responsibility for his own schedules and goal-setting. He didn’t stop his formal learning until mid-June because he wanted to complete some of the books he was working from. That was the longest he ever went before. On the other hand, he is a bit of a home-body and isn’t big on the out-of-doors. He continued with his computer programming and piano on his own over the past couple of months. He also attended three (or four?) youth camps without supports (parents in tow) 🙂 and grew in confidence.

He recently shared with me, “I feel like I’m younger than I’m supposed to be.” (This is typical conversation starters with him, so I know how to tease out what he is feeling or trying to convey.) It seems he has finally noticed that “others seem to know things that I’m supposed to know, but I don’t”. I knew he wasn’t talking about book smarts, because he recognizes in himself, and others notice as well, that this is an asset. He was talking about “street smarts”. This is another on-going request from him over the past few months . . . he wants to learn more social skills, executive skills, and perspective taking. About three months ago, I had some time at a dentist visit or something, waiting for a child, and I jotted down about fifteen “skills” that Eli doesn’t have, but are inhibiting his quality of relationships or ability to be independent. So, I have a starting point . . .

This is a big year for Eli as he has become cognizant of this arena and is eager to understand it and incorporate its tenets into his life, which means it is a big year for me to commit to facilitating his needs for growth in this area. No small task, let me tell you! So any advice for resources would be greatly appreciated, particularly from those with experience with high functioning autism.

Well, I’m off to do the easy part . . . get a schedule for him of his formal learning goals!

Eli with his best friend, Seth:This product is an excellent one which is look here cialis 10 mg prescribed to the ED patients with a common suggestion that use it only when a male is sexually aroused.

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Eli at the computer, where you will find him every day:

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4 Comments

Posted in Autism, Homeschooling, Learning

The Art of Imitation

Posted on July 30, 2006 | 3 comments

We finally had our front porch roof repaired last Wednesday from a leak we had been experiencing for some years. I had no doubt that my two youngest boys would be there with bells on watching and imitating. With a large third story window overlooking the porch roof, it would be a breeze to have front and center seats in watching these men at work. I had my camera ready for the action that would inevitably follow. Here are my favorites:

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In the spring, our family was sad to have the owners of the empty lot next to our home clear it in order to make it more appealing to buyers. Although all the small trees that had grown into medium trees had to come down along with a large, mostly dead tree, it was great fodder for more imitation from Joseph, who absolutely loves construction vehicles. I was able to capture a few gems:

 

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Having had two children completely without imitative skills because of their struggle living with autism, I still don’t take this type of amazing natural ability for granted. With a whole lot of work, both boys with autism can now imitate to an equivalent level as their peers. However, it is not as automatic or engrained to their being as it is with these two younger boys. I always stand in awe, and at the ready with my camera, to capture the art of imitation.

3 Comments

Posted in Autism, Family, Learning

Great Help + Great Friends = Great Long Weekend

Posted on July 18, 2006 | 5 comments

What a pleasant long weekend I’ve enjoyed with my family and friends. It can be tough to put in enough preparation and supports and flexibility in order for my whole family to equally enjoy outings together. Maybe I’ve got some of this parenting support stuff down more than I give myself credit for 🙂

Anyway, it started with Friday heading out to a lake to swim. I invited my good friend, Kyna, and her two young, adorable children, along. Her hubby didn’t have to work that day, so he decided to tag along as well. I was excited that I would be able to enjoy the day with a friend to talk to in between playing with the children.

This summer, I have a young lady, Anna, working for me who is on summer break from university. She works with both Adam and Alex in learning skills and strategies that are most important to them in their lives at this time. I am lucky that Anna is intelligent and picked up on how to interact with each of them uniquely as well as understanding the different aspects of learning they are both desiring that is so different from one another. It made training go quickly and painlessly for me and the boys. Anna came along with us.

I always start off an activity by asking each child if they are interested in coming. I know if swimming is involved, there will be an unequivocal yes from William, Joseph and Adam. Alex dislikes water quite a bit, so it all depends for him what else may be available. He had recently tried another swimming-based activity and really enjoyed himself, so he decided to give this outing a try based on what I remember it being like. Eli was off at scout camp, Abbey wanted to go because she likes hanging out with the family, and Eric declined.

So, off we headed with cooler, picnic basket, and swim toys . . . and all eleven of us in our fifteen passenger van! It ended up not being what Alex desired after all, but being 1.5 hours from home, he had to make do, with Anna being his saving grace at exploring around the park to find activities that would pass the time away. Oh, thank goodness for Anna, for more reasons than this. There was a transitional difficulty between Adam and Alex when we arrived, and I helped Anna understand that her presence alone helped alleviate the situation in a short amount of time and thoroughly enough that both boys were able to continue the swimming activity happily. Autism can be so complex . . .

Anyway, it is so pleasant to relax in the lake as you watch your children enjoying their play and friends and activities in the water. Each does their own thing that brings happy times to their heart, and my heart is full as I observe and interact in their world. Here are some pictures that my friend took:

William on the left; Joseph on the right:

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Abbey on the left; Alex/Me on the right.

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On the left, Adam is laying down on the yellow safety line which he enjoyed joining in on after so many other children were doing it . . .
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On the right is me on the left, and my friend and her daughter . . .

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On Saturday, my hubby and I, and William and Joseph drove 1.5 hours to Mt. Airy, home of The Andy Griffith Show, to go to a John Deere toy store to see if they had any John Deere bicycles . . . yes, bicycles. And, ya know, there was ONE there and it was a 16 inch, just Joseph’s size. Joseph LOVES John Deere. There was also a John Deere bicycle helmet with elbow and knee pads, and we bought him a new John Deere shirt. He was SOOOO cute 🙂 Later in the day, we picked up William a new 20 inch red bicycle as well. Here’s a picture of JoJo all suited up:

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On Monday, we gathered altogether again and headed for yet another swimming hole. This time it was to a pool at a campground where the local unschooling group garnered a group rate for a daily admission. Again, my friend Kyna and her two children, this time minus hubby, came with me, as well as Anna in tow for the boys’ benefit. This time Alex knew he wanted to go as he had a great time last time. That’s because this place has buildings with ceiling fans in them, which he LOVES, as well as an arcade room and a putt-putt, that all comes with admission to the campground for the day.

Although I was a bit tired to consider packing everyone up again, they all wanted to go and it is only offered once a month, so I pulled up my bootstraps, and again, had a blast with the children. The main pool has a rope swing that you can swing over and into the pool from a platform. The rule is that you only should swing out the one time and let go so that no injuries occur from not getting out far enough.

Adam LOVES that rope swing, and because of autism, the first time he tried the rope swing the one time we went last year, he was a bit scared and apprehensive, but interested and excited, and it took him three swings before he was brave enough to let go, thus, a “pattern” was established. Because of that, he continued to swing three times before letting go into the pool. No one “pressed charges” against his rule breaking, but I tried to encourage him to let go sooner.

Last time, a month ago, we came, he was able to go down to two swings. A bunch of great teens (homeschoolers) were there being a big brother to him and it was sweet. I always make sure to tell people when I see these types of kindnesses that I noticed and appreciate it! One family (non-homeschooling) was not happy about Adam “breaking the rules” and reported him to the employees. The employee empathized with me and said she had to ask me to go over and observe and try for the sake of this family. I was almost over to him when she hurried over and said, “They just left; don’t worry about it now.” I love when owners are flexible!

Anyway, at this visit, Adam did just one swing! Hurrah, Adam! He usually can “get there”, but it takes longer for him to bring his “patterns” down, one at a time, over a period of time. I excitedly reported his accomplishment to the employee. She was happy FOR HIM. Again, the same group of young people were sweetly accommodating to Adam’s need for a little help and patience as he took a turn. Next time I’ll remember to take my camera and take a picture of Adam on the rope swing 🙂

Another wonderful day . . . great help . . . great friends . . . great long weekend!

5 Comments

Posted in Autism, Family

When Waiting Isn’t Enough

Posted on June 25, 2006 | 12 comments

I posted a long comment over at Every Waking Hour under the post, “Thinking About Readiness”. Although I published it there, I thought I would post it on my own blog as well.

Willa said:

I’ve read some Piagetian theory in the context of special needs education…. just a very little. One very interesting book that talks a bit about Piaget’s theories is “When Slow is Fast Enough” . It is a thought-provoking book about the flaws in the way Early Intervention programs tend to be set up nowadays. The author Joan Goodman discusses Rousseau, Locke and Piaget in terms of their ideas of child development. She thinks that EI nowadays tends to be Lockean (”filling the vessel” or “writing on the blank slate”) with a thin and slightly hypocritical overlay of Rousseau’s child-centered theories.

And the later conclusion was:

The point of her book is that all the therapy tasks in the world cannot jumpstart or advance a child’s readiness.

Her solution is to create a rich environment both in terms of open-ended resources AND in terms of creative, warm personnel who are willing to play with the child on his or her own terms and be sensitive to the child’s developmental timetable.

As an unschooler type myself, I embrace so much of what is being said about learning in Willa’s post. As it pertains to the plethora of “school-created labels” such as ADD, ADHD, gifted, LD, etc., I think the biggest problem with school is that they blame the child instead of the system that doesn’t account for the child’s learning timeframe nor their learning style. So, that connects huge with what was being said throughout Willa’s post about a rich learning environment, honoring different learning styles, and waiting on each person’s timeframe. In fact, I present a workshop on this very idea called “An Individualized Education: Learning Styles and Time Frames.”

However, I take exception with trying to connect these ideas with more challenged children, such as those with autism (not high functioning or Asperger’s), Down’s Syndrome, mental retardation, etc.. I have first hand experience in this area, and it is very, very different than just providing an unschooling environment. I have several children with autism and one with other pervasive developmental difficulties. If all it takes is the typical learning environment that values and respects the child’s timeframe, there would be no such thing as autism! There are some biologically different brain structures that prevent a child with autism, for instance, from learning from their environment.

The intervention that ended up being my son’s learning style is not about “writing on a clean slate”, but about helping to “rewire the brain” in the areas that were not functioning or did not develop in utero. The brain is an amazingly elastic thing, and it has been shown that it can create new pathways around “disabled parts” or non-existant ones.

I would like to share two examples. Adam had zero imitation skills at 3.5 years old. This is how children learn a LOT, right? Such as speaking, which he was unable to do. (I wonder if learning to walk and eat is a biological response versus an imitative one, by the way.) Well, we worked and worked on retraining the brain to create such a pathway, and when he was tested three years later, it was listed that “imitation is a relative strength”. Pretty exciting, huh? He was also finally able to learn to speak and potty train once he learned even the basics of imitation. It took years, but at about age 9-10, Adam was beginning to learn from his environment naturally, although not to the level of someone without his brain differences. As another interesting side note, social interaction is a more complex imitative skill, so imitative progress has to be made to a more abstract level in order to accomplish this.

William had near zero visual-spatial abilities at 5 years old. He couldn’t even place one block on a piece of paper in the same manner as another person. We worked and worked on blocks and 1.5 years later, after some testing, it stated that he demonstrated a “strength in his visual analytic skills (block design).” It was the only place he did not have a weakness, besides his natural strength in gross motor skills!

To share a different outcome, Alex exhibited the same type of difficulties as his brother Adam. He was diagnosed with autism at two years old. For three months, I had the EI people in our home six hours a week of one on one for speech, occupational therapy and play therapy. It was all very child-led learning . . . joining in with him, etc. He learned nothing in that three months except bye-bye. I started the intervention that worked so well for his brother with him, and within the next three months, he had accumulated about 50 words, some imitative skills, and playing some games and songs. After another four years of consistently and actively helping him learn in the way that made sense to him, his brain was able to do whatever it does, and the floodgates were thrown open.

Alex had strengths in areas his brother did not that helped this transformation occur when it did not for his sibling. We were then able to help him delve deeper into the social arena, abstract reasoning, etc. Alex would be considered a person living with high functioning autism now.Millions of people with impotency issues have tested and taken its treatment and thus, recommend its medication strongly. levitra 40 mg icks.org

If difficulty with learning is about being slower, or learning differently, then all that was said in the book cited by Willia would apply! If learning is about something serious missing in your brain functioning, then it is about something else. One extra copy of a chromosome causes serious differences in learning for those with Down Syndrome. Lacking imitative skills causes serious differences in learning for those with autism (that’s just one of many differences that combines to make living with autism difficult). It’s not about waiting, but helping them learn in a different way. It’s not going to change if you wait.

Definitely all my opinion, from my experience . . .

The top picture are the people who all lovingly worked with Adam to bring him his smile the first two years after his diagnosis of autism.

The middle picture are the people who all lovingly worked with Alex to bring him his social outlet the first year after his diagnosis of autism.

The bottom picture are all the children after the party I held to thank everyone for all that they did for the two youngest before we moved away to another state in 1998.


Adam’s Circle of Love


Alex’s Circle of Love


The Children, May 1998

12 Comments

Posted in Autism, Learning, My Opinions, Uncategorized

. . . and Fresh Water

Posted on June 21, 2006 | 3 comments

This is a continuation of my post referencing Susan’s post of Imperfect Genius called “Perspectives on Autism”. In my last post, I shared my story about my short-lived and very specific reasons for testing out the waters of institutionalized school for my child with autism. In this post, I want to share where we are as homeschoolers of my children with autism and quote some passages from Susan’s great post. Susan said:

“Perhaps more importantly, it gives an alternative viewpoint on living with autism. . . .

My advocacy on here might be subtle, but it’s definitely present. I feel that every time I post a photo of my happy, smiling kids I’m sending a message. I’m pointing out that living with autism doesn’t have to be a fearful, miserable existence but can instead be a happy, interesting one. When I write about how their knowledge and skills are growing by leaps and bounds I’m showing that autistic children are capable of many things. When I talk about the adventures we embark upon and the discoveries we make I’m showing that children diagnosed with this disorder can lead rich lives full of wonder and natural learning opportunities. . . .

It comes with both frustrating challenges and wonderful abilities. . . .

Our blog will never be exclusively about autism because there is so much more to contemplate and discuss about their lives. . . .

I do not want to label them as autistic in every post I write. . . .

I didn’t feel compelled to write any of this post until I was challenged by someone who made me feel as if my experiences were not valid simply because our family presents a different face on the issue.”

Even at the beginning stages of our journey into autism, because of our unschooling lifestyle and our religious perspective, “our family presented a different face on the issue”, and people noticed. About a half year after the first diagnosis of autism, I met a woman named Sherri who became a really good friend to me. Our sons were diagnosed with autism right around the same time, our typical daughters were around the same age, and we were both “educators”: she at a model school and me as an unschooler.

Sherri was almost traumatized by autism. She fretted and worried over it, but tried valiantly to think optimistically. She is the one whom I gained the saying, “If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.” She felt that she had been “keeping her worry” from her daughter, but alas, she was to find out differently. One of Sherri’s peers at school shared with her that her daughter had confided in her that she had a brother with autism and that she was worried about him and that her mother was worried, too.

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Sherri called me up to share this new information about her inability to keep her worries from her daughter and now she was worried about her daughter. She mentioned that she noticed that we seemed so different in how we were viewing autism, and that our daughter seemed so calm and at peace with it all. She asked if we could get our daughters together in order that my daughter, Abbey, might be a positive and calming force for her daughter. I readily agreed.

Sherri dropped off her daughter at my house, and she and Abbey played for about three hours. Autism never came up for either of them. When Sherri picked up her daughter, she casually mentioned to her, “Did you know that Abbey has brothers with autism?” Her daughter quickly turned around with large, round eyes and asked, “Really?” Abbey looked at her, and non-challantly stated, “Of course!” with a flick of her wrist like, “doesn’t everyone?” The girls became good friends.

I’d like to hope that our lives have continued to reflect this “naturally” perspective as it pertains to our differentness in our home. Susan mentioned that there are both “frustrating challenges and wonderful abilities”.  We like to view the wonderful abilities first and foremost, like all of us would like to be portrayed, and we work on our frustrating challenges as a work in progress, again, like we all are. This is our religious beliefs in action, and unschooling was embraced because it so easily fit this perspective. So, all of our children have had lots of discussions about improvement and baby steps and each individual has to figure out their own imperfections that need to be worked on in order to grow and stretch and learn.

On the other hand, we’ve all been blessed with gifts that we are to celebrate, improve upon in order to bless ourselves and the world, and to be a shining crown. Eli’s music abilities, and Lego skills, and computer proficiencies are admirable. His sweetness and straight compass should be emulated! I’ll give you a quick example: I was bringing Eli to get his new glasses (he lost his last pair), and I went to check the CD in the player in the van, knowing my oldest son, who had used the van earlier, had probably put one of his in and taken mine out. Sure enough, he had, and I was quite sure he had tossed it into the center bucket. Yep, there it was, ready to get scratched and ruined. I noticed all his CDs scattered all over the floorboard of the van, so I commented, “Well, since he doesn’t seem to care about his CDs, I’ll just toss his on the ground.” Eli simply looked at me and innocently stated, “Treat others as you would want to be treated, Mom.” Yep, he’s absolutely right! We put ALL my son’s CDs away 🙂

I could list other traits of my other children, but will stop with the delineations now 🙂 You get the point. I think Susan is spot on in that homeschooling our children with autism can show a different face. Not necessarily a better one, but a different one . . . an interesting one, a calming one, a celebratory one, a viable one.

I end with an explanation of the titles to my two posts. When I pulled Adam out of the public school in PA, I sent a letter explaining why and I ended with this analogy: We both are in the water (education), and you and other institutionalized schooling are swimming in the saltwater (large bodies of water, undrinkable was an added bonus ;-)), and myself and people I know are swimming in freshwater (clear, drinkable, running here and there). If we try to swim in each other’s water, we choke.

That’s what I realized when I was done with this particular adventure. We were still trying to be homeschoolers, using public/charter schools to meet some of our goals. It doesn’t work is what I discovered. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. I couldn’t change my nationality! For us, homeschooling works . . . it works really well!

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Posted in Autism, Homeschooling

Salt Water . . .

Posted on June 20, 2006 | 2 comments

Susan, over at Imperfect Genius, wrote a post called “Perspectives on Autism” that shared so many of my perspectives and beliefs that it awoke in me a lot of experiences I went through in forming them that I thought would be worth sharing.

She tried to get on an autism webring and was denied for not advocating enough. Susan tried to figure out the advocacy he was desiring for the webring and considered that he might be like some people’s typical reactions she had previously witnessed who feel strong and active parents should not “abandon the system and children”, but stay in to help. Susan doesn’t feel that way for various reasons, and neither do I. Here is some of what Susan wrote:

“I don’t know, I think he’s taking a narrow view of what advocacy looks like. . . .

These folks feel that I should be screaming for more and better services from the school. That I should have to deal with red tape and IEPs and ridiculous meetings where school employees talk down to you and insist that they know your child better than you do. That I should subject my child to an environment which doesn’t fit so as to create opportunities for change. . . .

Furthermore it’s our experience that schools do not want active, vocal parents to have any serious, effective involvement. It’s okay to be active in your child’s school life as long as you know your place – decorating for the Spring dance, holding bake sales to raise money for the library, donating time or space to after-school clubs, and chaperoning field trips. In all other areas they want to do things their way and do not want any interference. They’re not in the business of taking helpful suggestions.”

In the beginning of my autism journey, I totally immersed myself in understanding it, helping my child(ren) learn despite it, adjusting our environment and rhythms because of it, and overall just putting it as number one priority in our lives. Simply speaking, we were in crisis mode.

Well, after two years of this, we prepared for a move to another state. It was the first time I cried to leave an area. Once I settled into our log cabin home deep in the mountains of central PA, I finally was forced to stop long enough to face the grieving process. I did a lot of thinking, and sitting, and swinging my children. Frankly, it was the perfect setting for this period in my life with autism.

To make a very long story short, we found ourselves moving inward more toward “civilization” and my hubby’s work place (which had been an hour’s drive over a mountain) less than six short months later. It’s interesting how these physical moves depict such distinct stages in my journey.

Where before, I had thrown myself into the “doing” part of autism to deal with everything that had happened, now I had made my way to true acceptance, and was ready to embrace what came with that. Interestingly, I threw myself even deeper into the intervention aspect of autism than ever before, but there was a peace and calm to it this time, versus a “blinder’s approach” and freneticness. But, during this same period, I was also asking myself the questions, “Can I keep this lifestyle going without sacrificing other things that are important?” “When is it time to pace ourselves for the marathon versus the sprint?” “Is there a better option for our children with autism to assist us in balancing our lives and rhythms?”

Well, right after the move, I began to have promptings to put Adam in the local public school. Our school district was considered the best around, Pennsylvania had some of the best public schools in the nation, and our local elementary school was considered THE place to send your special needs child, because, for one thing, they automatically gave you a one-to-one aide. Well, after two withdrawals from the IEP process, and ten months later, I was finally willing to put Adam in school. Talk about advocating . . . LOL! At an IEP meeting once the third attempt was being made, the speech therapist, who was someone I liked, good-naturedly declared as she plopped Adam’s three-inch thick file on the table, “Mrs. Gaddis, this is Adam’s file. It is thicker than any child’s I have, and he hasn’t even stepped foot in the school yet. Let’s get it done!”

Let me tell you, I had really worked the system in my favor because of a very open-minded principal. I was sending my own aide to school with Adam, who had worked with him the previous five months at home, I would transition and train her myself in the classroom, and I had an open door policy. Couldn’t be better, right? Well, at first it was. I took at least a week to stay in the classroom training the aide, and then faded myself out. I was in constant contact with her as she came to my home after school to work with my other son with autism. She took notes as I instructed her to and worked on Adam being independent in the classroom the way I instructed her. The other aides for other children with autism sure saw the difference!

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Anyway, again, to make a long story short, within one month, a glitch occurred, and we patched it, another month and another glitch to patch, and the third month, a huge glitch happened, and we were walking out of the school. Tender egos and an inability to work with a parent as a true professional team member were the undoing. As the principal said to me at one IEP meeting in exasperation, “In 30 years, I have never seen a parent like you.” As Susan said, schools really don’t want a true partner in the education process, just a good follower.

Shortly after pulling him from the school after three months, we moved our family to North Carolina. Lo and behold, I heard that a charter school was being created by a mother of a child with autism in order to include our children in each and every classroom. Thus, the size of each class would be capped at 12, there would be a lead teacher and an assistant particularly trained to help our child with autism, and a behaviorist hired at the school to put together all the inclusion programming utilizing the intervention that had worked best for my two children most affected with autism. Couldn’t get better than that, right?!

Well, for the first year at this new charter school, there would be only four children selected to start the kindergarten grades and each year would build on the previous by adding four more. There would be a lottery to determine which children would get those slots. I decided to place Adam in the lottery, although he was technically supposed to be in first grade. He was selected! To make another long story short, he was pulled from this charter school within three weeks. (As a side note, unfortunately, three of the four children were pulled from the school within the first three months, and each of those teachers were fired, unethically and unfairly in my opinion!)

So, why was I prompted from my Heavenly Father to pursue this path when it was so unsuccessful? Well, I have several ideas why.

1) I am in a much better place to empathize with other families with children with autism who have been through the school system before deciding to homeschool. I have a yahoo group supporting families homeschooling their children with autism called aut-home-fam, so it is helpful in giving that support.

2) As I was trying to move into marathon mode versus sprint mode, I was struggling with the idea of doing “less” purposefully. I was afraid my perfectionism wasn’t going to allow it, and yet, if we didn’t pace ourselves, I felt we were becoming emotionally unhealthy. What these experiences showed me was this: “My less is more than their best.” (Being that I had experience with an “excellent public school” with the best possible supports in place, as well as a charter school specifically set up for my child and his preferred intervention, little to nothing was gained for Adam while attending.)

3) I confidently realized that homeschooling was the way to go for my children with autism, even at a “paced” level.

and 4) All of the stress and energy I had expended on making the above situations work, if only by a thread, was far better placed in making true and good progress forward for my children in an emotionally healthy environment that truly had his best interests at heart and was the truest “least restrictive environment.”

Stay tuned for the next half of this post . . . the homeschooling part!

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Posted in Autism, Homeschooling

My Brother’s Keeper

Posted on June 16, 2006 | 10 comments

As I was talking about our large family dynamic in an e-mail today, and all the high maintenance personalities, and about how I can often rely on various children at different times to help out with each other, it reminded me of a time in my life when I was struggling with feeling guilty about how difficult it might be to grow up in this family. As things like autism came to the forefront, again and again, and more children came into the home, again and again, I started hearing people “warn me” about protecting my more typical children from the hardships of our family’s logistics. “Make sure they have a childhood.” “Don’t make them do too much.” “Don’t forget about them amidst all of your challenges.”

Well, about three or four years after the diagnosis of autism first hit, I remember particularly feeling the guilt and strain and worry over these sentiments. “Was I expecting too much of my more able children?” “Should I protect them from the life they have been given?” “Should I keep them separated from the sometimes harsh realities of our lives?” I was tormented as to my stance about it all. I mean, on the one hand, one of the beauties of choosing to homeschool was to live and love and learn together as a family, yet represented as individuals that we lean on or support, love or hate, be angry at or forgive, etc. I felt the underlying ideal in our home was that we would always strive to work it out together, not against one another, or reject each other. We embraced the opportunities that existed together!

And yet, I had heard stories from people who lived lives that went beyond childhood into adulthood way too early. There was resentment and life choices that resulted from that upbringing. Is that what I was creating? And yet, as I pondered those stories, it was often the product of an ill mother, whether mental illness or physical illness, and the stories often were about the child serving in the role of parent. That’s not what was happening in our home . . .

And then the answer came in an issue of the Reader’s Digest. I wish I could find it to share with you all, but I can’t find what I did with mine (because I distinctly remember tearing it out), and I can’t find it on google. Well, anyway, it was about a family living in Arizona who had at least a son with autism, a typical son and a typical daughter in the picture. If I recall correctly, the three children were home waiting for the parents to return home from work. The boy with autism escaped out the backdoor and directly proceeded to climb one of those huge electrical towers that was not too far from their home. The older, typical brother went running after him, as did the sister. The older brother yelled to his sister to call their parents as he followed him up the tower. As is often the case with autism, the boy had no fear as he climbed higher and higher. The brother, on the other hand, had an intense fear of heights, but he simply kept his eyes focused on his brother, determined to catch up to him.

Well, he finally did, near the very top. By this time, emergency vehicles had been dispatched, and the story leaked to the news, and before long, helicopters were circling above. The older brother gripped the hands of his brother with autism to the tower and tried to keep his attention focused on him as he sang favorite church songs. (The song they referenced made me quite sure they were actually members of our church!) The boy with autism wanted to stim by flapping his arms as he watched the helicopters go by, so it took a lot of effort on his brother’s part. It took many hours in order for the rescue workers to bring them to safety as the tower was too tall for the ladder on the local firetrucks to be effective, so a large power truck was called in. Rescue workers still had to climb a certain distance to reach them and thankfully, both were brought down safely.

Well, naturally, the older brother was lauded as a hero, and he wasn’t really sure how to take it. When asked if he was afraid, he replied that normally he would be, but he tried to keep his focus on his brother instead of thinking about the situation. Another question was asked similar to, “Why would you go after your brother when it was so dangerous?” He matter-of-factly replied, “He’s my brother. I love him. It never crossed my mind not to go after him.” And then the clincher occurred when the article ended with these poignant words, “Are you your brother’s keeper? Of course!”
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Well, I all out bawled. YES! This was it! This was who our family was. Why apologize for any of it? Our world today is so caught up in what’s best for me, look out for number one, step on anyone in your way. Family’s are so often caught up in mainstream thinking where everyone is plugged into their own life, duties, and schedule. One reason we chose to homeschool was to embrace “old fashioned values” of family togetherness, developing character, being bored, playing together, working together, looking out for each other, etc. Autism didn’t change that. Difficulties don’t change that. Struggle doesn’t change that. In fact, it should strengthen it!

I would no longer apologize for who our family is . . . and that had to emanate from the inside out. Once I embraced that ideal, that we DO believe in looking out for each other, no apologies necessary, it was easy to move forward with head held high and heart solidly believing in the right thing for us.

We embrace who we are; we honor each other; we are our brother’s keeper 🙂

97kyFile0184

About 1997; three oldest_________________About 2003; 4 of the 5 youngest

10 Comments

Posted in Autism, Family, My Opinions